Bumfiddle

Let Associate Bumfiddle pass along bookkeeping numbers to Account Manager Fred Faddle's techno team for the moral equivalent of waterboarding, which in this case means processing these hapless raw numbers through hierophantic hermeneutical quantitative models worthy of Kafka's penal colony, and keep processing them till the numbers themselves confess "this bank is sound, this bank is viable, this bank is going to be profitable," and of course "this bank nonetheless owes no taxes."

Stop Me Before I Vote Again 2009