Tunie: What's Your English

About

What’s Your English?

Written and performed by Baba Brinkman & Professor Elemental

for www.macmillandictionary.com

Watch the video here.

Baba: Hey, Professor!

Professor: Oh, hello.

Baba: Wassup!

Professor: Yes.

Baba: Professor Elemental, how’s it hangin’?

Professor: Oh, god …

Baba: What, what?

Professor: Oh, what a mistake to give our language to the colonies.

Baba: What are you saying?

Professor: You’re not using it properly!

It’s simply not cricket, your slang is unclear!

The R is intrusive, you have no idear

Baba: Now listen here, you old badgering bristling Britsy

We’re linguistically evolving, we’re not whistling dixie!

Over-protective parenting is risky …

Professor: You’re our clear descendents!

Baba: Well, you overtaxed your syntax, so we declare independence!

Professor: Independence? From what we invented? How senseless!

Each sentence is already perfect

Baba: So you’ll protect it?

Professor: Preserve it – the Queen’s English founded your nation

Just accept your received pronunciation

Baba: Your pronOUNCiation just counts as vacant! With an ounce

Of patience you’d reckanize the future sound of your language

I’m here to throw a wrench in your engine once and for all

Professor: You mean a spanner?

Baba: No, a wrench, and not a football, a soccer ball!

Professor: It’s autumn, so you fall, I’m off to the public

House and it’s bin day, you get left like rubbish

Out ... like yesterday’s fish and chip wrappers

Rapscallions ought not to challenge gifted rappers

Baba: Arrgh, don’t say ‘rubbish,’ say ‘garbage’ as in “garbage rapper”

Your verbal conservatism died with Margaret Thatcher

Professor: She’s still alive!

Baba: Whatever, I use elevators for levitation

But you need a lift ’cause you’re out of gas at a petrol station

Professor: You’ve plenty of gas to go with that hot air lame flow

Not ‘tomayto,’ it’s ‘tomarto’ –

Baba: Why?

Professor: – because I say so!

Baba: Great, so this is a linguistic dictatorship?

Professor: ’Fraid so

Baba: What, so I have to say “crisp” for potato chip?

Professor: Yes, or we’ll trade blows

Baba: Alright, Mr. Tough Guy

I’ll show you how Canucks fight

Professor: On ice?

Baba: Naw, we cuss nice

Like this: “Dude, your rhymes are brutal”

Professor: Blimey O’Reilly

You’re barmy

Baba: You’re cougar-bait

Professor: Well, if we’re having a barny

You’re bonkers, you’re piffle

Baba: You’re hokey

Professor: Well, you can go whistle

Baba: Fo shizzle, your slang is all fat with no gristle

Professor: This has all gone pear-shaped

Baba: Your rhymes are bear-faced lies

Professor: Well, yours are fairy cakes, no, more like porky pies!

Baba: Well, here’s the point, porcupine, at end of the day

English dominates the globe, and change is the price you pay

Professor: I say, that’s not a bad trade

Baba: Yeah, Canadian slang is

Like a tax that buys you …

Professor: The world’s preferred language!

Baba: Exactly!

Professor: That’s wonderful!

Baba: Yeah

Professor: That’s great. Thank you very much

Baba: I thought you’d like that, yeah

Professor: Chuffed to bits, I really am