clueless balls

sionnach commented on the list clueless-balls

I understand that its origin is different from the entries on this list, but I feel obliged to mention my Dad's famous party piece, with which he would regularly bring down the house. He couldn't hold a tune to save his life, but could coast through on sheer unadulterated enthusiasm. He would have turned 86 tomorrow.

THE CHARLADIES' BALL

You may talk of your outings, your picnics and parties,

Your dinners and dances and hoolies and all

But wait till I tell you of the gas we had on

The night that we went to the Charladies' Ball.

I went there as Queen Anne and I went with my man.

He was dressed as a monkey locked up in a cage.

There were pirets and pirots and Hottentots and whatnots

And stars that you'd see on the music hall stage.

CHORUS: At the Charladies' Ball people said one and all,

"You're the belle of the ball, Mrs. Mulligan."

We had one-steps and two-steps and the divil knows what new steps.

We swore that we never would be dull again, by dad.

We had wine, porter, and Jameson. We had cocoa and all.

We had champagne that night but real pains next morning,

The night that we danced at the Charladies' Ball.

There were cowboys and Indians that came from Drumcondra,

Sweet Francis Street faries all diamonds and stars.

There was one of the Rooneys as the clock over Mooney's

And a telegram boy as a message from Mars.

Mary Moore from the Lots was the Queen of the Scots

With a crown out of Woolworths perched up on her dome.

There was Jemmy Whitehouse came dressed as a lighthouse

And a Camden Street Garbo that should have stayed home.

SECOND CHORUS: At the Charladies' Ball people said one and all,

"You're the belle of the ball, Mrs. Mulligan."

We had one-steps and two-steps and the divil knows what new steps.

We swore that we never would be dull again, be dad.

We had wine, porter, and Jameson, we had cocktails and cocoa and all.

We had rumbos and tangos, half-sets and fandangos,

The night that we danced at the Charladies' Ball.

Mary Ellen O'Rourke was the Queen of the Dawn.

By one-thirty she looked like a real dirty night.

Mick Farren, the bester, came dressed as a jester.

He burst his balloon and dropped dead at the fright.

Kevin Barr came as Bovril, "Stops that drinking feeling"

Astride of a bottle, pyjamas and all.

But he bumped into Faust, who was gloriously soused

And the two of them were sunk at the end of the hall.

THIRD CHORUS (same as before but with these last 2 lines):

We'd a real stand-up fight but we fell down to supper

The night that we danced at the Charladies' Ball.

April 30, 2008