play on words
Dangling modifier jokes:
We don't know each other very well.
You've spent every hour with me for five days in a row. At this point you know me better than my parents.
I don't know your parents at all. - Studio 60
Repetition of words:
I don't like Jr. crossing the road. As a matter of fact, I don't like Jr. - G.Marx
Mark it fragilly. F-R-A-Gâ€¦ Look it up, Jamison, itâ€™s in the dictionary. Look under "fragile." Look under the table if you donâ€™t find it there. - G.Marx
Funny, Iâ€™ve met a lot of pin-up girls, but Iâ€™ve never been able to pin one down. - G.Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is manâ€™s best friend. Inside of a dog itâ€™s too dark to read. - G.Marx
Playing off polysemous:
Groucho: You give up that silly peanut stand and I'll get you a soft government job. Now, let's see . . . How would you like a job in the mint?
Chico: Mint? No, no, I no like-a mint. Uh . . . what other flavour you got?
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. - G.Marx
Capt. Spaulding (Groucho Marx): to Jamison So, you just omitted them, eh? You just omitted the body of the letter, thatâ€™s all. Youâ€™ve just left out the body of the letter, thatâ€™s all. Yours is not to reason why, Jamison. Youâ€™ve left out the body of the letter.
Capt. Spaulding (Groucho Marx): All right, send it that way and tell them the body will follow.
Horatio Jamison (Zeppo Marx): Do you want the body in brackets?
Capt. Spaulding (Groucho Marx): No, itâ€™ll never get there in brackets. Put it in a box.
Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me? - G.Marx
Mrs. Potter: Get out of this room, or I'll scream for the servants.
Hammer: Let the servants know! Let the whole world know! About us!
Mrs. Potter: You must leave my room. We must have regard for certain conventions.
Hammer: One guy isn't enough, she's gotta have a convention.
Hammer: on phone You want to know where you can get a hold of Mrs. Potter? I don't know, she's awfully ticklish.
Mishearing of words:
Groucho: It's all right, tha-that's in every contract. Tha-that's what they call a sanity clause.
Chico: Ha ha ha ha ha ha... you can't fool me. There ain't no Santy Clause.
Groucho: Don't you know what vessel is?
Chico: Sure, I can vessel... starts whistling
You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way.
Thatâ€™s what I always say. Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo - G.Marx
Oh, youâ€™re from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah? He lived in whales for awhile. - G.Marx
Itâ€™s hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa. - G.Marx
Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like a banana. - G.Marx (This quote is under the clock in Studio 60 - this might fit into another category as well)
Hammer: What would you like? Would you like a suite on the third floor?
Chico: No. I'll take a Pollack in the basement.
A play on idioms:
Iâ€™d have thrashed him to within an inch of his life, but I didnâ€™t have a tape measure. - G.Marx
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. - G.Marx
Go, and never darken my towels again. (darken my doorstep) - G.Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case Iâ€™ll be glad to make an exception. - G.Marx
Women should be obscene and not heard. (children should be seen and not heard) - G.Marx
Time wounds all heels. (Time heals all wounds) - G.Marx
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. - G.Marx
Hammer: Believe me, you gotta get up early if you want to get out of bed. - G.Marx